I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
