Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
