I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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