I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
