remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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