Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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