is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize