you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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