i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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