never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm passing your future prison.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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