remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
