I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize