I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
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