I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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