I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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