My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
These tits shall not be calmed
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
