Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
