My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
