Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Blow job season was short but glorious.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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