No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
