weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
