ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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