im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Randomize
