Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Randomize
