youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
