I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
