Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
the gays at disneyland are vicious
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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