he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
