so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
