AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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