The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
