it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
