Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
