did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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