is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
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