I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
