I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
