dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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