Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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