If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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