I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
