Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
