So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
