Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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