I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize