It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
