yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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