I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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