Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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