we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I want to fling myself into the sun
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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