Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
