My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
