So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
