How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
