I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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