i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
