You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
