this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
