hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
i've created a new STD.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
