Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
