after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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