When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
