Are we in a gay sports bar?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
