Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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